I wonder if we’ll ever feel like we’ve done enough. I’m sitting here typing away my (probably waffle-y) thoughts and I’m exhausted. I pretty much have one day off a week, with that one day off being used not only to catch up with friends, but also to study. Does study really constitute a day off?
I’m not writing this to whinge. I just want to highlight something that’s been darting in and out of my mind as I balance (like so many other people) the worries and responsibilities of work and university, with friendships, relaxation, exercise and health. Struggle is the only word I can really think of at this moment.
Yet when an opportunity to add something more to our plate is offered, we jump at the chance...or else feel we can’t say no. Recently, I not only had to work a full day, coach a new co-worker, and study when I came home, but I was also called during the day to re-do all the rosters for the next two weeks (involving phone calls, furious scribbling down of days of availability, in between customer service and sales).
We spend all day trying to do our best, pleasing others, and straining to remain light-hearted amongst it all. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve certainly failed to see the silver lining this past week, with added pressures suggesting that I’m falling out or rather drifting from old friends. It hurts. And it’s got a lot to do with over-exerting myself.
Even to people whom I normally share everything with, there’s a sense of ‘everybody’s been there’ and ‘this is what real life is like, darling’. I struggle to accept that this is what my life will be like though. I’m not here talking about balancing work and life, or else responsibilities over fun, or even talking about being busy in general. That is a concept I’ve understood for a long time. No, what I mean is I find it hard to think that this little rut I’m in because of stresses in my work, uni and social life, are stresses I have to bear for life, just because ‘it’s what everyone does’. I want a life that makes me feel weightless and free, with a sense of purpose and direction, but also the leeway to make changes and set my mind to a project and go at it because I’m passionate about it. I have to keep that in mind. I have to remember to step back every now and then, let go (responsibly and when the time is right) of some things taking up my days that drain me, and restore the balance in me that makes me feel right.
It’s food for thought – and something I hope every keeps in mind. Being busy and accepting that life is full of things that you don’t want to do isn’t what you have to deal with. Make changes, and do you for once xx